Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
