Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We are all done wearing pants today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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