Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
