I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
