Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So much rum. So many feels.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
