i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
