brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
