Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize