I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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