dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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