Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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