Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
