Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
