listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
