I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
