I am puke
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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