Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
