Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
