I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
