i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
