Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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