While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize