i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
