Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
