I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
