another moral hangover. fuck.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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