im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
smell my finger.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
