Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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