you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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