just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
