speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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