he wants to bone in the snuggie
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
