Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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