You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
