is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
