dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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