i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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