I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
