Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
