Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
