I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
