between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize