His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
