i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
