You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
