I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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