Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
