the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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