how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
