But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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