I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did I show you my penis last night?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
