I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
