In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
