cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
