I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
