Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
