I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
