She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
