All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
