if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
