it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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