that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
