I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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