I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
