I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
