It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize