is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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