New low: just hacked my moms facebook
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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