we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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