matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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